"Don't stand... don't stand so... don't stand so close to me!"
Thinking about the issue of personal space, and the differences between people and cultures as to what is acceptable, this song by The Police comes to mind! There are times when someone "gets in my space." It makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Why is that? Do I have some kind of radar that tells me when something or someone is too close?
Actually, yes! Researchers who study personal space have discovered that part of the mechanics of our brain provides neurons that keep an eye on the space around us, and tracks people and objects when they come into our personal space. The closer something gets, the faster these neurons fire, "rising to a frenzied peak if the object touches"! When the neurons become highly active, they signal our movement control center, and we move to avoid contact!
Beyond the brain science that keeps us from collision, our cultural learning sets boundaries around us. We learn what is an acceptable distance between us and others from an early age. If we grow up in a crowded environment, we accept that people can get within a close distance and we will still feel comfortable. If, on the other hand, we grow up in a place where there is lots of space around us, our personal space boundary is a lot larger. This is evident in how people shake hands. Someone from the city will extend their hand with the elbow close to their body, leaving about 18 inches between them and the other person, and will step forward to make contact. Someone from a rural town will reach from the shoulder, feet planted on "terra firma" (safe ground), and reach across about a 36 inch gap to shake hands. Those from really remote areas prefer to stand back and wave!
Another factor in this "comfortable distance" is what country we come from. Different countries have different measures in the "zones" where they feel comfort. There are four different zones that we have around ourselves, and specific people who we allow into each zone. Closest to us is the Intimate Zone, within 6 - 18 inches of us, where we allow parents, spouse, close friends, relatives (and pets!). We guard this zone carefully. Just outside of that is our Personal Zone, 18 inches to 48 inches away from us, where we allow others when we are socializing. Beyond that is our Social Zone, from 4 to 12 feet. We will allow strangers in this zone, and keep them there until we get to know them better! Outside of that is the Public Zone, over 12 feet away from us. Another name for this is the Audience Zone, a comfortable distance when we are addressing a group. (Maybe this is why people sit on the back row at church?) When someone who is not in the "correct group" comes into a zone too close to us (our "radar" neurons fire up?), we respond by backing away, protecting ourselves from the advance into our territory!
When working with our students, we need to be aware of their personal "zone distances," so that we do not make them feel uncomfortable. (If they back up, we can be sure we are too close!) Recognizing their cultural personal space needs can help us to avoid misunderstanding and miscommunication (which is what learning about culture is all about, after all).
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This is a fascinating subject, and I have just scratched the surface. Much of the information in this post comes from a chapter in a book about body language, which I highly recommend. It can be found here:
https://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap9.html
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